Confusion

You said you loved me

Why so sad

He says he loves me,

Why still sad?!

He tries to show me, every chance he gets. More attentive, smarter, ambitious, taller, twice as 'hung' as you, more understanding, sweeter, well rounded, quirky..

Yet I still hold back a little.

I feel that love is so fleeting

After meeting your kind, if it's so easy for you to drop things at the drop of a hat.
Won't it be just as easy for him to do the same.

Yet there you go, professing love to another who you have not even met.
You and you stupid celebrity pictures as screen-savers. Half naked ladies, pining from one to the other. The day I see him with screen-savers, just innocent anime I freeze up, thinking is this another you.. Does he idolise the skinny body types too?
Is she closer to your preferred body type then? Carrying out day-dreaming idealistic ideas in your head. Stupid interpretations, idealistic views until you meet the reality and face the facts that things are not really as they seem.

Does she know about your stupid selfish mood swings. Your huge propensity for grudges?
Your laziness? How quick you are to throw in the towel before the storm barely bares its face.

He does the sweetest things, little gifts, big actions, little surprises, wants to please me.
And I get even angrier at you.. For fooling me, into thinking that what you gave me was remotely close to real love.. I remember this time last year...
When you ignored me over my birthday. Failed to come around and made a heap of shitty excuses.
''Where is he? Why is he not here? ''
I.. repeatedly explaining myself to friends, making silly excuses – trying to keep face.
They could probably see it..but did what friends do.
Remained quiet.
Feel like I was allowed to bask in my stupidity.


You want to spend the rest of your life with her? Just like that? U haven't even met her! I spent nearly four years with you! You confused dumb shite! You lie and say you've been away for 2 years. Single for 2 years my ass! Do you always start everything with lies. My dayz what a chronic liar you are.
You do another degree,another fail once again. You really are stupidly thick!

Can't believe I fell for the likes of you.
But then you were just a stepping stone. To the next better thing.

Now I just need to open my heart completely to love... as it has come to take me in, overwhelm me, toss me around and uplift me once more. I really hope I stay on this high.. it all stays on this high.

I can't do this one more time.

I wonder if I just killed another baby by taking the pill.
Am I ruining my chances at fertility each time I take the pill.
What about when I am ready to have kids?

No more pills, I am done.
If it comes, it comes.